so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
