Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
