420 ftw
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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