Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
