is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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