I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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