It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
