I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
