I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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