Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
