So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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