Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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