I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
