I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
