Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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