No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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