There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Damn victory sex feels great
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
