i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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