Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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