Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
