She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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