why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
