Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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