fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
false alarm. still invincible.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
