so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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