i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
