i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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