i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
