Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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