We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
