if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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