god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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