So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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