Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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