I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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