My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Houston, we have a blender
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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