Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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