He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
