Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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