Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
