i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
