can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
