I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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