he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
