Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
