He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
