I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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