Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
