And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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