I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
