I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
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I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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