She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
