you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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