I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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