none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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