its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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