Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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