you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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