his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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