I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
