On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
