so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
