I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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