I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
