I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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