What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
