I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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