no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
