if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
