the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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