Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
