That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
