I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
