You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
