just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
