Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
