3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
