I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
