Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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