haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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