Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
