i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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