Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
