you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's get the cat blown out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
