I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize